Why Couples Counseling Doesn't Work by a Couples Counselor

There are a variety of reasons couples counseling doesn't work. Sometimes it's you or your partner, sometimes the therapist is just not a good fit, and sometimes it's the technique of the therapist.

When it's more you or your partner that's keeping change from happening, some common issues come into play.

1. One or both of you are not interested or ready to do therapy.

2. One or both of you are not committed to the relationship.

3. You waited too long. Sometimes there are wounds that cannot be healed in the time that the relationship has left.

4. One or both of you have individual work that is not able to effectively address with only couples work.

When the therapist is not a good fit

1. You just don't like them.

2. You don't feel comfortable with them.

3. You question whether or not they are listening.

4. You feel like your therapist is too close like a friend or too distant like a disconnected AI bot.

5. You are looking for a specific modality and they do not have the training or background for it.

When the technique is off or the therapist does not have enough training in couples therapy

1. You notice that things are not getting better after a few sessions. (Could also be a fit issue.)

2. You find that you keep talking about the same things every time.

3. Your sessions focus solely on talking through arguments.

4. It feels like your therapist is always taking one person's side.

Change in a relationship can be hindered by several factors. These include a lack of interest or readiness for therapy, a lack of commitment to the relationship, waiting too long to address issues, or needing individual work beyond couples therapy. Additionally, if the therapist isn't a good fit, problems may arise such as discomfort, feeling unheard, or seeking a specific therapeutic approach that the therapist lacks. Lastly, issues with technique or insufficient training in couples therapy can manifest as a lack of progress, repetitive sessions, a focus only on arguments, or perceived bias from the therapist.